Now and then I am reminded by the quote; “suffering is wanting something you don’t have or having something you don’t want, in other words wishing things were different than they are”.
I experience this part of me that is totally capable of being at peace/feeling peace with whatever my circumstances are. Then there is a part of me that has dreams/desires/wishes/hopes/needs. Then there is the part of me that feels slightly insecure, experiences self doubt and cares quite a bit how she is being viewed by the world around her.
I can not fully articulate it but I have come to a point in my life where at the core I feel peace and so it doesn’t matter what takes place in my outer or inner world (thoughts, feelings/emotions). Perhaps the only thing that I find challenging to feel peace with is when I experience physical pain. I feel peace while my world is turned upside down and my inner worlds are highly active. It is all still there only I let it be there, I feel no need to change it.
This is what gives me peace feeling no need to change what is. It doesn’t mean I always like the circumstances I am in. I allow myself to feel whatever I feel about where I am at and I let it be. In the past I would work hard to change the struggles in my life. Now I acknowledge the struggles in my life and all my re-actions to it and I just let it be. I bring my breath to where I feel the resistance or re-actions to what is in my body, I breathe in peace and space.
The thing now is that this acceptance is triggering the part in me of insecurity and self doubt . I think for me after I experienced the birth and the loss of my daughter something shifted. It is possible that subconsciously this was one of my greatest fears and before that experience I thought I would not survive that kind of pain. Not only did I survive it, it really made me evolve in consciousness.
I must admit that having my Beloved by my side whom I love with all my heart & Soul and is incredibly supportive and empowering for my Soul also helps to accept what is as it is.
Yet that part of self doubt and insecurity feels fear like will I be able to live my fullest potential if I accept what is and don’t change anything? Who am I without my dreams/wishes/hopes/desires/needs. How will other people view me? Will I still be a healer/ guide/teacher as I would like to be? What happens to my life if I have no more goals, if I don’t take charge of manifesting/creating anything in my life anymore if I just let my life unfold? If I let go of being successful?
